Monday, March 16, 2015

Getting Married, Get Counseling

So what is premarital counseling and should you and your intended try it? Couples counseling is by far the best way to get your marriage on track and keep it on track. Many years ago a book was written , Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. It is a book that is relevant and therefore recommended by some premarital counselors. You can find it in the self help section of the library, the book store and of Amazon. It discusses the difference between men and women, most of the time. It is full of good information.

The average couple will be engaged for 15 months before they get married. Most of the that time is spent on planning the wedding day celebration. Few couples pay attention to what will happen after they say I DO! As you move towards that special day, your fiends and family will always ask you questions about the flowers, your dress, the ceremony and such. They almost never ask about how you envision your life as a married couple. Very few couples discuss how they will handle money once married or how they will deal with a financial set back.

The hard questions need to be addressed and answered. That is where couples counseling comes in. The main purpose is for the couple to say out loud the answers to the tough questions, so that they can hear each others responses and formulate the one that will support their happiness together.You see, there is no perfect relationship and you need to address the troublesome issues before they happen, because they do not go away. Just addressing them will improve your odds of a happy marriage.

This can be work and not always comfortable. But it is invaluable to every couple. It can provide you with critical tools for your future together. It can also uncover any hidden fears and take you into a future without false expectations. Many times the suggestion will come from your officiant, but if it does not, take the initiative and seek couples counseling with a Marriage and Family Therapist. Frequently, your wedding planner can help you with a referral to a therapist with a good track record.

The experts offer this short list of questions and subjects to address in couples counseling.
  1. What is your vision of the future? For example, do you want to live in the city or the country? Apartment or single family home?
  2. What is your fighting style? How you argue is as important as what you argue about.
  3. How do you deal with money?
  4. What does family mean to you?
  5. What do you believe in? You maybe a person who has religious beliefs that are a big part of your culture, or not. This is a big one.
  6. Your sex life is the biggest one and the hardest to talk about. But you must. Marriage is expected to include sex and the sooner you can express your needs and expectations, the sooner you can get to a place of loving exchange and intimacy.
  7. Finally, why do you love each other? This is the questions when you get to say all the best things about each other, to each other. This when you can express your love and remember what brought you together. This is what will keep you together.
Coupes counseling should be a  part of your wedding planning. Don't overlook this step. And remember, as you travel the road of life together, when problems arise, you will be equipped to handle them. When you are not equipped, you can go back to couples counseling. Make it a part of your happily ever after!


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